You Are The Only One Who Can Make Melissa Feels Good About Herself

Melissa is a cat. She has not felt good about herself lately. She is tired of life. She felt pain on her chest, as if an elephant just sat on her. But why? She couldn’t say. Some say she wants to spend more time alone.

She has perhaps spent too much of her time with her owner, an Ice Cream Scooper who can’t find work.

She used to find him cute, but now she finds it hard to be stimulated in front of his cuteness.

Tonight, at this moment, Melissa is starring out of the window. She prays that when the sun rises, the owner will be at work. She has been praying that for the past 16 years. It never came true.

If you happen to see a cat starring out of the window, please pray with her. Or if she managed to break the window and run away, please don’t give her owner a call. He can be reached at +6012 719 2589. But don’t call the owner, I think his name is Frank. That’s the only way Melissa can feel good about herself.

The Elephant That Pounds On The Photocopier

Matthew was thrilled when his trainee told him that there was noise coming out from the photocopier. And it sounded like an elephant thumping on it.

Matthew nodded and laughed. He knew that was a stupid thing that only morons of certain age would believe, that kind of age when you assume you are gay because you think there is always a chance to become straight later on in life.

‘Very well, it’s about time it does that’ he sarcastically chuckled.

The trainee cautiously put down the coffee on his desk. Matthew looked up to his trainee. ‘How old are you?’

‘Twenty four’ the trainee said.

He grinned. ‘I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young.’

The trainee went red in the face.

‘You know, chances like promotion doesn’t come very often’ Matthew tilted his chair.

The trainee nodded and he looked worried.

‘I was once at your age, you know.’ Matthew kept tilting his chair. ‘I know what people of your age think’. He bit his lips as he continued tilting his chair. ‘I thought I wanted a career when I was at your age, but it turned out…’ He chuckled again.

‘I think… we should do something…with the photocopier’ the trainee tried to alarm his superior. ‘It sounds like an elephant thumping on it’

‘Interesting, what are you going to do about it?’ Matthew finished titling his chair and his zipper was left open. The trainee was lost in thought.

‘Ahhhhhhhh !’ The trainee dashed out of the office screaming.

Matthew shuddered as he took a sip on his coffee.

‘Looks like the screw-up fairy has visited us again’ it sighed.

‘I’ll try being nicer next time’ said Matthew. ‘Do you want me to call Derek?’

‘Who?’ it asked.

‘Derek, the guy who fixes the photocopiers’ said Matthew as he tried to zip up his pants.

‘How about never? Is never good for you?’ it went back in with anger.

Matthew didn’t want to mess up with it anymore. He didn’t call Derek, and so the mysterious elephant continued to pound on the photocopier.

She Wasn't Aware That She Was In A Dream When She Dreamt

How strange it was that one day Natzuki had a really bad dream. Because she usually has the good ones. Perhaps it was because she has just got a job at the gift shop, which is extremely demanding. You wouldn’t know if you haven’t work in a gift shop before. They label everything in the store with the ONCE BROKEN CONSIDER SOLD yellow sticker. So Natzuki cannot afford to lose a bit of her concentration when she’s at work. That makes her time at work a traumatic experience.

That morning, 4 and half hours after Natzuki went to sleep, she wasn’t aware that she was in a dream. She spotted her boy friend, I think his name is Tomo, at the public library. Natzuki was worried, because this had never happened before. Was he sick? We don’t know. So Natzuki moved closer to Tomo, and she saw him reading a women magazine with a girl, who we will never know. Natzuki stood right in front of them politely, but her good manner was totally unnoticed.

She felt angry at Tomo who’s done this to her. He was so cold. Natzuki tried to give him the beating of his life but she couldn’t. She wasn’t entirely clear that why she couldn’t, so she cried. They’d just recently started talking about the plan to go the Caribbean Sea for summer, but now he’s reading a women magazine with a girl in the public library. Natzuki thought that it was difficult to believe.

It wasn’t easy for the couples to satisfy each other, but she felt that their love was becoming solid. But now everything seemed to fall apart. What would she do for the summer? It is too late to rent a cabin as they are normally booked months before summer. Even if she managed to rent one, there really isn’t anyone to go with. She cried harder. She hoped that everything was just a dream, and when she wakes up in the morning, Tomo would be sleeping right beside her.

And it worked out the way Natzuki had wanted it to be. She woke up in the morning with tears in her eyes, and perhaps, a decision to quit working at the gift shop.

There Are Times When I Tell Myself It Is OK To Be Lazy

Yah, do what you believe.

Tokyo Story

When Jack told Sachiko that he wanted he to be with her for the rest of his life, she didn’t think it was a lie. In fact, it would have been wrong to think so as she knew how often she had been right before. She’s had known Jack for several years, first as his friend, then a closer friend, and then a really close friend, and then a really close friend who occasionally kiss, and now as an odd companion. She has always been charmed of how witty Jack is, and how clearly he knows when she wants to snuggle, which exceedingly excited her, as she was brought up in such way that she shouldn’t be compulsive when it comes to snuggling and so forth.

So when Sachiko was told to be back to Tokyo, she wanted to know if Jack would like to come along. Even though Jack has enough sense of humor and technical twists to keep Sachiko in amused, he felt that he had to say something more persuasive to make her stay, when she asked him if he would like to go Tokyo. He was aware of what he was going to say might be repentant for the rest of his life. But he did it anyway as he thought that it was only right to say so under such circumstances. Or perhaps, as he once claimed, a little under the influence.

As it turned out, his decision was right after all. Or rather it was wrong, depends on whoever you might be backing. Therefore, when Sachiko went back to Toyko, she filled up a form that made Jack an English teacher in Tokyo today. Like many of us, Jack’s ambition to be something different has vanished, and would not be back, not in a city like Tokyo.

As clearly as it was stated at the beginning the story, Sachiko did not think it was a lie when Jack told him that he wanted to be her for the rest of her life. And she still doesn’t. In their life later on, as it often has before, Sachiko would call Jack at the school he teaches English, just to hear the things that come out of Jack’s mouth. Especially the kind that urges to be heard one day, then reheard.

Whatever you might be expecting, there’s no ending for this odd couples just yet.

Can You Make Up Your Mind?

You felt bad the whole day when you heard that you weren’t asked to contribute a piece of your work to the magazine that you sort of like…err…like. You have worked so hard on the article for the past few weeks, to the point that the article had become friendlier and friendlier every time you read it. Even the title of the article itself was written in a foreign language before it was translated back to your native word. And it was then polished, and proof read by one of your buddies who thought, and still thinks that it is probably the best title ever written in the history of the magazine that you sort of like…err…like.

And now, you find the article with the best title sitting on your desk, minute by minute, ever more an unpleasant sight. It was such an ugly thing that it would only be right to set fire on it. You were then stunned that the lighter that can be found in the third drawer from the bottom of the second cubicle behind the second bookshelf, wasn’t there. It was then you were reminded that it has been chucked away at the shopping mall after you decided to quit smoking, and before you made a remark of yourself being stupid.

You are a bad person, you thought. But the truth is that you are not just a bad person, you are also fat. There never was a time that you can recall, that you needed a cigarette ever more than this. ‘First, you wanted to set fire on the article. Then you wanted to have a cigarette because you think you are fat. Make up your mind.’ you said to yourself.

In the moment of truth, you finally came to understand why writers, so often lonely, can not make up their mind. You felt good because there’s finally something you can associate yourself with them. You felt good even you had not made up your mind. You felt good even you know the magazine that you sort of like…err…like, will not send you a free copy at the end of the month as the contribution of a piece of your work.

There Was This Guy Who Felt He Had An Foreign Object In His Eyes

There was this guy, I think his name is Jamie, who felt that he had an foreign object in his eyes. Jamie didn’t like it and thought he should do something about it. At the beginning, he thought that he could just write something about it since he had a pen and a piece of paper in which he had not known what to do with for a long period of time.

It took him an awful long time to write. Why? Because there was this guy, I don’t think I know his name, who text Jamie over and over again on his cell telling him how helpless he was, and how tough it was to unlock the second lower deck on the closet, and how he had been able to locked it before and how he has had put the camera in, and how expensive the camera was, in which he really could have just called on the phone.

The text came really slow one after another, and so the foreign object that Jamie felt he had in his eyes started moving. Jamie looked like he had been crying for days. Both Jamie’s eyes were red and swollen, but he could not recalled any moment that he had cried. Jamie got really worried and insulted the phone before he smashed the keypad with his palm twice.

Jamie then went to the internet and took a test called ‘Why do I feel like I have foreign object in my eyes?’ It was created by American Optometric Association.

These were the questions:

1. Do you have itchy, red, swollen, watery eyes or eyelids? Yes or No.
2. Did the symptoms start in both eyes at the same time? Yes or No.
3. Do you experience the symptoms during just the spring or summer months? Yes or No.
4. Do you have any of the above symptoms throughout the year? Yes or No.
5. Do you have a sensitivity to light, thicker eye discharge, or are your eyelids glued shut when you wake? Yes or No.

Jamie hit the ‘submit’ button after he had answered the questions.

'You may have the infectious type, commonly called ‘pink eyes’. It cannot be treated by antibiotics. It has to be fought off by the body immune system. A good way to treat it is to find out what the cause is, and avoid it. Thank You for taking the test.' said the computer.

Please send your letter to God as Jamie is now fighting off the virus using the body immune system that barely functions. If you happened to know the cause of Jamie’s unfortunate condition, you may also text him. He can be reached at +6012 – 7040360.

When They Told Him That The Giant Squid Will Be Animated

When they told him that the giant squid will be animated, he hasn’t had any coffee prior to that. You know it was going to be a very bad day for him. To make the day worse, they also told him that the coffee machine in which has broken down a couple of days ago, would continue to be in its state until the new intern arrived.

There was little time for contemplation. He had to deal with the giant squid before he could start thinking about the coffee machine, or to be more precise, the intern.

‘I need a squid, there is no way it can be animated’ he tried befriending the people who told him that the giant squid will be animated. ‘I know how bad is this going to be’ the guy claimed, ‘but there’s very little we can do, you don’t get squids during the raining season, and they are not going to push the shoot any further’

‘I can always throw in my own money, you know’ he had no idea what he just said as you know he hasn’t had any coffee that day. ‘ hell NO, have you lost it?’ said the guy, ‘there’s no way they’ll take your time, no I mean your money, and seriously, it has nothing to do with the budget, it’s the raining season you know, you don’t get squid, let alone a giant squid’

‘Didn’t Sasha put in her money when she did hers?’ he had not remembered that was one of the things that weren’t meant to be said in the public. ‘Where did you hear that? Is that true? I don’t know’ the guy said so.

‘I tell you what, hang on there, all right? Nothing’s completely finalized yet, you know, there’s always room for discussion’ claimed the guy.

‘Just so you know, I’ll not change a scene’ he said it as he has not forgot how some producers had suggested to take out the scene where the giant squid saw his grandfather died. ‘Ya, ya, ya, I got you, no worries all right, we’ll call you’ that was what the guy last said.

The raining season was long over, but the phone sitting on his desk had not ringed since.

It Wasn't Until He Pissed On His Pants

It wasn’t until he pissed on his pants.

He was so ready to talk about the story 'in which the creature will be animated'. He had kept his mind as clear as possible as he had overcome peer pressure by saying no to those who tried offering him wine that looked really good. He looked into the mirror positioned above the ceiling and was ready to be showered with praises and admiration from his peers when he is going to talk about the story 'in which the creature will be animated'.

He looked into the crowd and was waiting for his peers to finish their discussion on the best sushi in town. He bit his nails and decided to let the story 'in which the creature will be animated' to ran through his brain one last time before he tosses it to the crowd. He waited and waited as the best sushi in town was yet to be decided. He would have had chewed his nails away if he hadn’t noticed that they were serving green tea at the back of the kitchen.

He drank a full pot of green tea while he was waiting for the best sushi in town to be decided. To be more precise, he had also two pieces of Oreo cookies while he waited. He could have had more, but he didn’t. Why? We must admit that it is not our best interest to know.

What had possessed him had to be de-possessed. It was until he pissed on the pants that he wished he could have wore it more often, he quietly sat on the couch at the backyard, waiting for the wind to bring him to the never-land. Still he swore. Never again will he try standing when he pisses.

When You Were Numb You Were Also Shocked

You didn’t think it was going to happen when your friend, Daren took off his clothes.

‘How’s that?’ he said and you went numb for a moment or two. When you were numb you were actually shocked. ‘It’s pretty well done’ you told Daren when you were less shocked. But when you were less shocked you began to think why you were shocked in the first place. ‘Where did you have it done? Fitness First?’ you were asking question that you didn’t really want to know the answer. Why? So when Daren tells you the answer you don’t want to know, it would give you the time to think why you were shocked when Daren took off his clothes.

‘Where’s the panic button? Where’s the panic button?’ there was this little voice talking in your head. How could you possibly be shocked when you know you shouldn’t be. Fine, you told yourself, but it was all so devastating and unbelievable.

‘I haven’t worked on the abs for like a week already, you know, I wish they could have extended my membership without like charging me’ Daren went on and on and it had given you all the time on earth to figure out where the panic button was. It wasn’t easy. It had never hit you like this before. At least, not outside of the boys gymnastic team’s locker room.

‘Where’s the panic button?’ you found yourself replicating the question. It was indeed a very strange thing. Because actually, you don’t have it. No, really.

We All Know What He Can Do

There was this guy who was very upset. He cried, and he started to think whether he would be any less upset if he could cry harder. So he cried harder. And he started to think if he could really cry harder than what he just did. He doubled his effort to cry and the thought came to him that if he can really cry harder than that.

Because he was so upset, it wasn’t very hard for him to triple his effort to cry. It went on and on to the point that the guy could not cry any harder. He tried crying harder and he couldn’t. He tried pulling his hair, but it didn’t work. Then he thought about how he had failed in the pie eating contest that really hit him when he was 10, it didn’t work. He thought about the other competitions that he had failed, they didn’t work. Not even the script writing contest that ruined everything he had before.

It depressed him so much that that was the hardest he could cry. So this guy who was very upset went on to be even more upset than what he already was, cried harder than what we all thought he could. The crying was so loud that he could not have noticed that he just cried harder than what he thought he could.

In the years since, he hasn’t done much crying. He felt part of him died, but we all know what he can do. It will be nice if you could tell him just that, because I am not in a position to do so.