No Time For A Clever Title In A Time to Hide

You probably don't know this yet. But I have ran out of places to hide. Who am I hiding from? I know you are all looking foward to find out who he is. But seriously guys, there is just no clue this time round. Call me a pussy if you like, but it is just so not my style to reveal the bad guy at the very beginning of the story. And folks, no gifts even if you have guessed it right. So please don't do it.

Stop scrolling down to find out who has offended me in the last 6 months. Don't even think about that Back Stabber who back stabbed in the classic back stabbing posture. Don't you think it is way over the top for a back stabber to back stab me time and time again? Wouldn't you feel that I am over-back-stabbed?

I am seriously not saying this for the expectation that you might think I am actually hiding from this back stabber. Do I need to write in such a way to over indulge your silly brain?

Hell there better be no surprise meeting today with this monster that I am running away from. I am hiding in this really nice closet that has access to the internet. If he ever comes in to this really nice closet, I swear to God I'll lose it. Really. I swear. I know I double sweared. But really.

The Donut Ring (Part 2)

I have always pay more for things that I buy. Like the Bluebird watch I had. Which was stolen. And the shoes I am wearing. I buy them out of embarrassment. My whole life is an embarrassment.

The taxi driver helps me to put the yellow case in the trunk. Then we get into the taxi, which really isn't a taxi. It is a sport car in purple color.

"Is this your car?" I clear my throat.

"Ya" says the taxi driver. "Ya,ya" he repeats. He puts the gear into the drive position and steps on the gas. And while he is doing that, he also winks at one of the trolley guys. Like they have some kind of deal. Or maybe even a bet. To bet he could take someone who is willing to pay 70 dollars perhaps. I don't know.

"I work here at the airport" grins the taxi driver. "I take care of the trolleys"

I look at him and suddenly remember what the wink was all about.

"I work for the night shift" he says. "So this is like a part time"

I nod and keep quiet. What do I know anymore? Just bring me safe to the where I am going.

"Where are you from?" he looks over at me. And I quickly raise my eyes on the road. Because he isn't.

"Dumbville" I say and keep my eyes on the traffic.

"Oh Dumbville!" he says. "But you don't sound like you are from Dumville?"

I slow down my thoughts as he is over taking the car in front. "Uhm, I am actually born here."

"Lady driver" he looks over at the car he is over taking. He starts to say something but changes his mind.

He gives his head a little shake. "What do you do?"

I wish I could figure this out. I don't know really. But "Advertising" I say.

"Ah, advertising" he nods. "What are you doing here?"

"I am returning this thing at the back" with my thumb pointing at the trunk.

"What is it?" he looks over at me as if it is my fault not to tell him what it is. I don't know. Or maybe I am just too sensitive after what happened this morning.

Anyway, "Donut Ring" I say. What else could I say? It has to be a Donut Ring.

The Donut Ring (Part 1)

I have some business to take care of up north. Or rather, I have someone else's business to take care of up north. So I took a plane up here. By the time I get out from the arrival hall, there are 17 taxi drivers waving at me. Probably because I am carrying this really yellow yellow case. God. Where is a subtle case when you need one?

"Town? Town?" say the drivers. "60 dollars!"

I put my ears in my pocket and walk away. After several tries to catch up with me, they give up and turn to someone else. "Town? Town? 60 dollars!"

I get out of the airport and light a cigarette. I blow smoke and remember how horrible this morning was. Something about, god, about the donut ring. What is it about the donut ring? God. Where is a normal thing to think about when you need one?

"Hello?" here comes a proffesor. Although he is not. He is a taxi driver. But he dresses well. Just like how I would like to dress when I am his age. You know, the older kind of age.

I say hello and put out my cigarette.

"Where are you going? says the professor, no, the taxi driver.

I put my hands in my pocket. I do that when I feel awkward. "This place called RSVP."
"Do you know where it is?" I continue.

"Ya" he says. And then he repeats again. "Ya, ya"

"60 dollars?" I look at the taxi driver and how well he had ironed his shirt.

"70 dollars" he looks at my yellow case. God. Where is a subtle case when you need one?

But I nod and say okay. I'll pay him 10 dollars for the well ironed shirt.

He Almost Thought He Had Forgotten, But It Came Back to Him

Saturday morning, he walked in his room. He had a plan to tidy up his room. But he was merely walking. After walking around his room for the longest time in his life, he decided to look at old photographs.

Some of the photographs make him feel uncomfortable. And he didn't like that. But he tried to deal with it in a rational manner. Unfortunately, he could not.

He went to the living room and tuned in to some western music. He threw himself on the couch. His eyes were closed. But he could still see the photographs in his head. He looked pale, perhaps. We don't know.

Until then, his life has been okay. College, job, marriage and good lucks. And he knew that too. He knew how these photographs can bring a man down. He does not want that.

To keep himself away from any harm, he reached out to his pants. And we all know in a couple of minutes, his life will be no longer in jeopardy.

You Cannot Assume The Warning Signal is Okay

Thanks to ignoring the stupid machine's warning signal, The Mechanic is now a walking a bad day. Come on, go ahead, call him names. No, break his ribs, rip him apart. You can even try sexually harassing him. That will just make his day a whole lot better.

No?

Oh no. You want to sabotage him? That is just perfect. Make him water mark all the location pictures. It will take no less than a morning to knock him down. And the whole time, you can just stand there and watch the mess you created.

Oh no. You think God forbid? No wait. The Mechanic has never been destroyed completely by water marking location pictures. Why don't you make him do it twice?

Tell The Mechanic that they want the water marks in less opacity. Either way, that will stop him from assuming the warning signal to be okay ever again.

Oh no. You actually want to stab him from his back? And the whole time you are just pretending to be friendly?

Fine, that is just fine. But for crying out loud, do it in the classic stabbing posture !

The Break In (Part 3)

Later that day, the sky went dark. It went dark inside Billy's heart too.

"Well, maybe you would like to keep your window closed next time" said the police officer who perhaps, tried to comfort Billy and his wife.

"Ya, maybe I would love to do that" Billy sighed. He could've sighed harder. But he didn't.

The police officer left the house. Billy and the wife watched the police officer stepped into the car and turned on the engine. And they watched him driving away too. They stood by the window and did not know what to do.

"Can we eat rice balls tonight?" said the wife.

But in Billy's mind, he was grabbing the robber's arm. He caught the robber and the stuffs he took from Billy were slipping out of his hands. Billy would not let go of the robber.

The dinner however, was decided without Billy's consent.

The Break In (Part 2)

It was only a minute since the wife decided not to think anything at all. But somehow it felt longer. The wife changed her mind and decided to do some investigation of her own.

Everything in the house seemed to be where it was. The closets, the shelves and the things on the them just did not seem to be touched. It would be silly to believe that anyone had broken in. But the wife has always been a cynic of her own. She reached out to the huge amount of cash that she has kept in between the books on the shelves. And it wasn't there. She reached out to the other books on the plane above, and the one above the plane above, and it wasn't there too. She panicked, but kept up with her investigation. Next thing she knew was that the husband's camera and his wedding ring were gone too.

It hadn't happened to the wife before. But she figured it was a break in. Traumatized by what she has figured, she called her husband Billy almost instantly. But she did not tell him anything about the break in. "Come home now" she said.

The Break In (Part 1)

The Wife came home from work. Then she started to cook. She cooked the rice but could not decide what to go with the rice. Because she knew that the husband has an absurd appetite. The husband has invented an appetite of his own that even he himself finds it hard to understand. The story could have ended here, but it will not. Because the wife saw shoe print as she was trying to put her brain together with the rice. There wasn't one shoe print. There were others around. The wife stared at them and was very curious. She was thinking why would the husband left shoe prints in the house. The shoe prints led the wife to the kitchen's window, and it was left opened. She stood still at the window. It took some time for the wife to be afraid. And then very afraid. She tried to think but decided not. "Maybe when Billy comes back he will tell me what's going on" so she thought. The Wife closed her eyes and tried not to think anything before the husband is back.

The Empty Space That Filled Up Your Heart

This afternoon, a plane carrying The Sunny Boy crashed into a mountain in Dumbville. There were no survivors. Not even the pilot gets to survived. Nor the co pilot.

The Sunny Boy had the biggest heart ever in Dumbville. It was such a massive heart that could probably fit in the whole damn sun. It doesn't matter who you are or where you from, The Sunny Boy can always save you from anything. He made life feels nice and cute.

The Sunny Boy was like a mother whale. He breast fed us like baby whales and kept us from drowning in the ocean.

Somehow, the world seems a little less safe without The Sunny Boy. To those who can't quite let go of The Sunny Boy, I wish you strength and laser power.

The End of The Boring Fitness Center & Possibly The Beginning of Something Bright & Sunny

Rebecca quits and the fitness center is gone. Unfortunately, in the world of internet, we don't find out how it ended this way. It is fine if you like to think that some really cute hunks accidentally hit the self destruct button and blows up the gym. But the truth is you don't know. And more importantly, you don't want to know. Really. Not even if I beg you to know. Not even if I turn out to be a little girl who can actually shoots laser out of my eyes.

Free Towels To Give Away at Dumbville Fitness Center

Have you ever seen anyone working out at the Dumbville's fitness center? No, you haven't. The fitness center cost The Narrator one good working morning google-ing the internet, plus the mental health to post it before he was caught by his employer. For crying out loud, we even had little children planting christmast trees behind the gym. But no one is using the gym.

If you have secretly hoping The Narrator to shut down the business. You will be disspointed. Because we have just hired Rebecca to give out free towels to those who are joining the gym. Rebecca is a very good looking woman. She has good taste, and she is a heterosexual lesbian. She likes pork ribs and purple color.

The First Fitness Center in Dumbville

Whether you want to slim down to tone up, we are here to help in Dumbville.

Who is Who ?

I know how some of you hate reading fictions with unrealistic characters. Even more so with a Narrator who you can hardly identify with. You don't even know whether your Narrator is a he or she or an umbrella.

When I talk about the Narrator with people I know, they often find it irritating that they start screaming 'I do not want his stupid voice in my head !!'

It pains my heart when I hear things like that.

Our lives might be different in many ways. But there are also many experiences in the Narrator's fictions that we all shared. All our lives have had a good deal of struggles and frustrations.

The Narrator has a lot plans for Dumbville. Like there will be a library here, and a fitness center over there.

I hope this will make you understand The Narrator, and to continue your support to the community. Thank You !

The Sailors & The Island with A Story Behind It

It turns out that the Sailors who jumped ship immediately made an impact. They discovered an island and called themselves The King number 21, 22, and 23. Although no treasure were found on the island, they managed to feel content, and above all, happy. Perhaps they are happy because they don't have to listen to Captain Nicky's "Be-On-The-Ball", "Without-You-We-Are-Nothing", "Wash-Your-Own-Cups" ,etc speeches anymore.

The have swam a good 0.01mm off the map and find themselves in a really really good place now. Really.

So, what is the problem?

Unfortunately, I've just looked up on the Web and found out that there is a selfish, giant looking lizard that eats up Sailors who call themselves Kings.

Should I risk it and tell the Sailors about the lizard? But I've just started to feel safe and boring and really do not have the qualities to do anything risky. Oh dear, tell me what I should do?

Captain Nicky & His Treasure Island

Somewhere in the map, a couple of inches away from the land, Captain Nicky is sailing out. He wouldn't tell his sailors where he is sailing to. And so the doubtful sailors gossiped when Captain Nicky went to sleep. It became clear that the sailors' lives are now on their own. Although they think that Captain Nicky is funny and ambitious at times, there is just too much risk for the sailors to put their life on at stake. It would be easier just to make sandwiches, so they thought.

An hour or so after Captain Nicky got up from his sleep, all his sailors have jumped ship. Captain Nicky has no one to blame. He wished the sailors luck. Yet he also secretly put the curse on them. "You stupid sailors" he chuckled. "You will know what pain is"

The wind is blowing so hard. And it sounds like an old man crying. Captain Nicky is now hiring. Fresh grads who has an interest in sailing are welcome to send in their resume.

Well, the odd thing about Captain Nicky is that he looks very much like a nice person from far.

Contestant # 3

Champion !

Contestant # 2

Poor Algiby couldn't afford a camera. So he drew us what he sees Dahlia in 20 years time. Which I must say is awesome. This is probably the closest thing that is ever going to look like Dahlia. It is filled with so much textures and romantic power that I could almost reach out to touch the chicken. And when I touch the chicken I can feel the pain of a life time. No, in fact , it is the pain of a life time x 2.

I can understand how some people would not have appreciate the power of the drawing. That is because they think all pictures should be drawn with cheeses and cupcakes.

Well done Algiby De Van Goyah.

Contestant # 1

Jorge Jusus sent in the Dahlia he sees in the next 20 years. It is amazing how Jorge managed to keep the pony in the picture. Well done, Jorge! And hell is Dahlia not sort of pretty when she has her chin down?

Perhaps it is not your best interest to know that it is actually against the Dumbville's Law to masturbate to the pictures of the contestants during the competition.

The Number One VCR In The World

Have I told you about this VCR player where you can fast forward to see Dahlia in 20 years time? No? Well then, you would really have to play dumb and assume there is this really really cool VCR player that could seriously fast forward anything in the planet when you hit the imaginary fast forward button.

What do you see?

PS: Please hit the record button and send the tape to The Dumbville's Imaginary Film Festival. Nominated films will not be screened. Do put in the effort to make a really bad one.

Well Well Well - part 5

Wild reports about Dahlia's life in the well are coming in from all over the place . One source says that Dahlia is in fact a cat, because she is caught throwing up fur balls. Another report says Dahlia was actually framed to trip and fall into the well because the world has ran out of space for cup cakes.

But the most rediculous report I've ever read was that Dahlia just spent $378 on a 60G refurbished iPod. And it is black in color.

Is Dahlia going to believe in iPod? or did the Devil tempt her? Does it make any sense?

Well Well Well - part 4

Dahlia isn't quite dead yet. I do not know what kept her alive. Maybe someone above likes her, and by someone above I do not mean the Fairy Godmother or the Queen of Langkasuka, I mean The Janitor who works around the corner. I don't remember his name. It sounds something like Frank. Or Lee. Or Jelly Fish.

I have reliable sources telling me that The Janitor has been dumping cup cakes that have gone bad into the well. Besides the cup cakes, The Janitor has also threw up himself into the well not once, but seven times. Some say this makes the cup cakes taste even better.

Dahlia has now developed a taste for expired cup cakes, and with vomitees on top occasionally. She isn't exactly looking forward to be out of the well. In fact, she isn't looking forward to anything. It would be nice if she could make herself to believe in things like God, or reincarnation, or even iPod. But she couldn't.

Well Well Well - part 3

17 months have passed since Dahlia tripped and fell into the well. We may assume that she has already reincarnated into some kind of creature like Barbie Doll, Melody Bird, or Killer Bee. Having said that however, we would have to first assume that Dahlia is already dead. But is she?

You don't know. Because The Author is slick and mean. Perhaps The Author just doesn't want Dahlia to have an easy death.

I do not know what weapon can we use to fight the mean Author. But does it worth a hell lot to save Dahlia? I doubt we would even get paid fighting the mean Author.

'A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it' - Albert Einstein

Well Well Well - part 2

Dahlia is in the well, hoping. She is also whispering at the same time. In fact, she is whispering her hope, hoping that someone could hear her whispering. But unfortunately no one did. She wondered why she never made any funny noises instead, to get the attention. But the thought quickly went away as she realized that she hasn't put any make up on. It will be really silly to get the attention when she just wants to be left alone in the well.

Dahlia is saddened by this. But she couldn't afford to cry. Because she doesn't have any tissue with her. She also doesn't have her handkerchief, yellow ribbon, or iPod if that matters to you.

I honestly don't know how or when or what could get Dahlia out of the well. I thought maybe a face transplant could work. But that could easily cost us $5000.

If you genuinely want to help Dahlia, we encourage you to write in and give her your support.

Well Well Well

It seems like it has been a year without any news from Dahlia. I can imagine how some of us could even not remember who Dahlia is.

My only explanation is that she might have somehow tripped and fell into a well. I don't know if anyone is going to save her. Because it seems like a decent punishment for her on cheating on you. Although it could be fun if we get to choose between public canning and falling into a well. But it isn't like we have a choice here.

There are times when people just need to accept that their best times are behind them. I wish you luck, Dahlia.

Dalia is Cheating On You

If this Dalia character is beginning to grow on you, then you possibly have the brain of a bird. And by the brain of a bird, I mean you don't have one. Nope, not even the size of a peanut.

If you hadn't already suspected that Dalia is cheating on you, look at this picture.

The Petition

If you are not sick of me talking about Dalia, and have been waiting to find out more about Dalia and her finger, you'll have to wait a little longer. Apparently the finger that was cut is healing and there's really nothing much to be talked about.

I say we get a petition going around to get Dalia to cut herself again. What do you say?

Dalia's Finger Licking Good

I know how some of you are sick of me talking about Dalia. But for crying out loud, look at Dalia's cut finger here. I can't even tell how bad is the cut from this angle. Can you?

NOTE: I don't think it is fair to call somebody's finger a chicken leg just because it shows up on a cutting board.

What Are We Going To Do With Dalia?

Dalia cut herself today. But unfortunately you have probably cut yourself many times before, so I am not going to tell you how exactly Dalia cut herself today, and how she managed to stop herself from bleeding to death. And also because It will be more fun watching naked people making out over the internet than than me going over it again what you have probably experienced 89 times.

I like Dalia, but we can't talk about her every time she cuts her finger. We need heroes who have strength, PR skills, intelligence and possibly know a bit of carpentry. Certainly, the lack of heroes in the stories is what causing this blog to appear frozen like.

Maybe it is time to bring in another somebody to bring this blog to another level. Or maybe we should just watch porn.