And You Thought Your Hamster Is Crazy

You are sitting on the only couch you have in the living room. Although you have your own book to read, you find it hard to concentrate. You don’t see your hamster anywhere around the living room. You know she’s somewhere, that’s one thing. But you also know that she’s crazy. She might just come to you any moment and shows aggression against you, you think. Then the phone rings.

‘Daren?’ a familiar voice at the other end goes.
‘Frank?’ you don’t know what made you think that voice belongs to Frank but you say it anyway.
‘No, its me, Jezebel’ the familiar voice tells you her name.
‘Oh hi’ you wait. ‘How are you?’ you say.
‘Daren’ she stops.
You estimate a lengthy pause is happening. You are quite right, although you can never be so sure of yourself. You could hear her breath flooding in to the receiver. Woof! Woof! Woof! And you begin to panic and wonder if this is a prank call. But Jezebel has always been a decent woman and you find it hard to think that she would be a prank caller.
‘Am I a whore?’ she asks and you know you have to say ‘no’ although you know right away she has done something really wrong.
‘No, why?’ you want to know what kind of mess she is in. ‘You are breathing funny, are you okay?’
‘I don’t know. Do you think it’s okay if I break up with Matthew?’ she goes.
Although you never like Matthew, you will never put yourself in a position to be a bad person by selling her a divorce, but still you want to know what kind of mess she’s in. ‘What happened? Are you okay?’
‘I feel so awful, I don’t know, am I talking crazy?’ she talks like she’s a little intoxicated.
‘I am such a whore’ she continues. ‘No, no’ you try to interrupt. ‘No, don’t argue with me, I know I am a whore’ she raises her voice. ‘I’ve gone outside the marriage’ she mumbles. Bingo! You knew it, although you have to put your ear really close to the receiver to hear what she says.
‘Its true, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me’ she stops. And you stop.

‘How’s your hamster?’ she asks. ‘She’s okay’ you go. ‘Do you want me to talk to…’
‘Listen’ she catches up. ‘Do you remember the time you and Matthew went fishing?’
You remember. You spent the whole day not knowing what to say to Matthew, and you had to share one fishing rod with him. It was such a bad day and you damn well remember.
‘Ya, why?’ you go.
‘Can you do that again? This Saturday?’ she asks.
‘What?’ you are definitely caught in surprise. ‘Please, Daren!’ she begs.
‘I don’t know… they might …have something …going on ..at the… gym…’ you are mumbling and hope that she will get tired of hearing it and gives up on her plan.
‘Huh, what?’ she raises her voice. ‘I said.. they might have something going on at the gym this Saturday.’ You are mumbling less.
‘Ah, God, I’m sorry’ she says. ‘That’s all right’ and then she stops. Maybe she wants you to say something. But you couldn’t care less.
‘Can I use your place then?’ she is talking crazy, really. ‘Just once, you see, Matthew has his schedule, and Peter has his schedule, I am tired of …’
You stop listening. You have to. You look at the receiver, and you can still hear Jezebel talking at the other end. You don’t know if you are going to hang up on her. She’s the editor of an undisclosed magazine that you sort of like…err…like.

And you thought your hamster is crazy.