Tap and Map

Well, the man has decided to move out. Or rather, he has no choice but to move out. The man’s name is Elbert JD Borothinni. He had enjoyed the days living alone with Tap and Map. But now it is time to say goodbye to Tap and Map. The only friends or rather roommates that Elbert JD Borothinni has had in the place he lived. Although you might have expected roommates like Tap and Map to throw a farewell party for Elbert JD Borothinni, they wouldn’t. They will not unless Elbert JD Borothinni wants them to. And Elbert JD Borothinni doesn’t want them to throw him a farewell party. And hence there will be no farewell party as you may or may not have expected.

Even though it is completely natural and courteous to throw your parting roommate a surprise farewell party, Tap and Map will not do that. No. Not even if you beg them to. They will not do that. You wonder what kind of roommates can be this mean, this ruthless, this antagonist-like. How much could it cost to throw a minimal get-together-eat-and talk-and-send-off kind of thing? Not more than $10 even if you go with the very expensive chips and sodas.

You are totally saddened by this. In fact, you have to stop yourself reading this pitiable-feeble-dull-brainless-cheap-you don’t know what to say-slow-pointless-insincere-crappy-time wasting story. You don’t even know whether you are supposed to feel sorry for this Elbert JD Borothinni guy, or to despise Tap and Map. Or even to feel the combination of both. You don’t know.

One thing you are very sure of is that you are reading a very bad story. Could it be the worst story you will ever read. To be honest, you don’t know. It has been a very strange day. Whatever you read today just doesn’t make sense. Oh, wait, did I tell you that there was this orphan boy who just adopted Tap and Map. Oh, no, wait, no, the orphan boy is actually Elbert JD Borothinni. They wouldn’t talk to Elbert JD Borothinni. That makes Elbert JD Borothinni extremely lonely. Of course you anticipated Elbert JD Borothinni to drop dead and get over with the story right now. There was no surprise, he died. Nobody knows how he died, he just died.

Oh Christ, no, no, wait, the latest update: the orphan boy who just died is actually an Elbert JD Borothinni look alike. Elbert JD Borothinni is still packing the stuffs in the apartment. There are way too much stuff left in the apartment, and Tap and Map just wouldn’t help. I am not supposed to tell you this, but Tap and Map are actually imaginary people. Elbert JD Borothinni doesn’t know it yet.