Internet Scam from A Prince of Nowhere

Dear friend,

I am the prince of a place where I can not yet reveal. I write you in need of your help in urgent. The place where I live was taken over by some very bad people. The situation is desperate. Everything is destroyed. Yes, everything. The palace, the nuclear power plant & my frail nobility. Me and my people have been forced to hide in an awful underpass. We are living with no cable TV, and the toilet has not been flushed in 2 days. The princess is days from dying without cable TV. And apparently my father just lost his job as a king.

I need your help immediately. I doubt you can send a troop to blow up the enemy's camp. But wait, I just received a text message from my dead uncle saying that I just inherited a very big amount of money. I would claim the money myself if I wasn't stuck in this underpass. If you can help us, I might be able to split the money with you.

The transaction will be 100 percent safe. I am a wealthy prince, and I assure you that I am also very good looking. So please, get the money transferred as soon as you can and we can all go back to our normal life. There is also an outside chance I might buy an island for your mother.

Your most sincerely

Prince

And You Are ...Abigail The Sleazy Frog

How much do I know about Abigail The Sleazy Frog? Oh wow. Not a lot. Apparently you are not everybody's favorite. I am sorry. Really. You are lazy, fat, and smell like toilet. And that's not all, you are also sleazy. Wow!

You don't have much of a role to play in this world. Why? I am afraid that's how life has chosen you to be. Don't worry. You can always change your answers to the test and find out what other characters you might be.

But take comfort in the knowledge that you are after all, nice at heart.

What Dumbville Characters Are You?

Congratulations to receive this unbelievably free copy of "Dumbville Characters Test"!
A fabulous test to find out who you really are.

Now you can take half a day off from work to complete the test !

1) It is very, very, very seldom that you know what you want.
2) Wearing long pants is your biggest fear.
3) Do you make enough money?
4) Do you want see a naked mole rat?
5) Can elephants fly?
6) Are you a boy?
7) You would rather trust a dinosaur than a human.
8) You will save a frog and ask nothing in return.
9) Are you aware of what Dumbville characters are you?
10) And you actually spend time thinking about what Dumbville characters you are.

After enjoying a complimentary test, it is time to find out who you are.


Triple Right Click on Your Mouse ------> "SCORE IT!"


Don't worry if the result fails to open! The server might be slow because "What Dumbville Characters Are You" is a popular test among the special people like you. Wow! So quit waiting over your slow computer. Mail your Money Order of $99.90 to Welcome to Dumbville International Ptd Ltd, PO Box 69, Florida 298107, to find out what Dumbville Characters you are before your best friend does !!

And They Say You Can't Direct A TV Commercial With A Degree in Film

Director: Cut! ... Remember what I said?
Talent : What?
Director: Water Water, Blue Blue. So soft and tasty.
Talent : Am I supposed to drink this?
Director: What do you mean..? No. Bite the water! Water water blue blue...so soft
and..
Talent : So do I drink it fast or?
Director: Yes, fast. But if you can, try to imagine little creatures swimming in the
bottle.
Talent : Huh?
Director: Show your frustration. Bite the little creatures. Ok?
Talent : So its like I'm thirsty or?
Director: Roll Tape!
Talent : My hair...
Director: Camera! And Action!
Talent : Is my hair..?
Director: Cut! ... Remember what I said??
Talent : Yeah, but my hair..
Director: No! Bite the water! Water Water Blue Blue. So soft and tasty.

Make Up Artist Walks Up to The Talent.

Director: Don't touch her hair! Roll! Roll! Roll! Action!!

Talent : Gulp...gulp....gulp...gulp...
Director: Bite the water!! Bite the water. Look away! Look away!! Cut! Cut! No! Oh
No Oh! Don't look at me!
Talent : I wasn't looking at you...
Director: Where were you looking at?
Talent : I was looking at the camera.
Director: No no ! Don't look at the camera.
Talent : Where am I suppose to look?
Director: Guys?! Come On! Where's the big bear?!

PAs look at each other in gaze.

Director: Come On guys!! I specifically asked for the big bear! Fuck! Where the fuck
is the big bear? Ashley!!

The Wardrobe Stylist comes up to The Director

Director: I want you to put a bear costume on Dave.

The Key Grip drops his jaw.

The Wardrobe Stylist quickly sews up a bear costume and put it on the key grip.

Director: Remember what I said?
Talent : Water Water Blue Blue.
Director: So soft and tasty. Right?
Talent : Right.
Director: You are a shark. Ok?
Talent : I am a what??
Director: Shark. Very hungry! Imagine the children's feet twitching in the bottle. Eat
them up! Roll! Roll! Roll! Action!
Talent : Gulp Gulp Gulp Gulp....
Director: Yes Yes! Look Look! Who's the big bear?!! Who's the big bear??!! What a
beautiful animal! Cut!

A Sad Boy Story For Feature Film Adaptation

Our hero, this little kid living with his single step mother, has super power. But nobody knows. Not the step mother, not even our hero knows about this. In fact, we are not completely sure if our hero has super power. We assume he has it. Partly because he survives a horrible nuclear accident. And partly because it makes the story more marketable for a feature film adaptation.

There is this sad backstory for our hero. The single step mother is actually someone with no leadership and grows moustache. Preferably to be played by a drag. What dramatic event turned this step mother into a half man half woman thing with zero leadership monster? It doesn't matter. Really. Because the sadder part of the backstory is that our hero has a step brother. And everybody thinks he has the super power. And he also has a Macbook Pro. This has turned every aspect of our hero's life into a really dark comedy.

Will this be a story about tolerence? Or will this be a story about vengence? When will our hero discover his super power? Or will this turned out to be a flop after all?

The Crazy Elephants & Other Stories

The other day, you don't know exactly when, the elephants were just crazy. They wanted to go out to the other side of the fence. Does the peanuts taste better on the other side of the fence? You don't know. So you tore down the fences and told the elephants to go. The crazy elephants did the pop corn jumps on the ground. Perhaps they were happy. Perhaps they were not. Perhaps they were feeling both at the same time. The elephants then went full speed and dissapeared over the mountains.

One of the crazy elephants text you on the mobile the next day.

" WooHoo !!! I ate four bowls of rice !"

You felt glad for the crazy elephants. You continued climbing up on the ladder. It turns out that the bulbs are harder to change than you imagined. And then you dropped your test pen. "Shit" You said, but only in your head.

True Story, 1984, 136 degree off Lonely Planet, Wednesday

This story concerns a huge battleship and the little people who live in the battleship. Which happens to be, as it stated on the title, true. Where is the battleship heading to is a planet they called The Lonely Planet.

But more than anything else, what all the little people wanted is just a better breakfast. The Captain of all the little people, however will never understand. He will not understand the crew's longing for Pancakes and Maple Syrup, serve with Orange Juice, and perhaps even a half boiled egg. Thinking that the pancakes will be too much of a burden for the battleship to carry on to The Lonely Planet. And sadly, supplement capsules with zero nutrition is what the little people get. You should take pride in the things you do, says the Captain. You are learning at least. The little people would wonder when the Captain says things like that.

Some have jumped off from the battleship. Some have not. And some just couldn't make up their minds. Could this be a nightmare that all the little people are having it simultaneously? No, because I've just told you that this is a true story.

Dumbville Closed Book Midterm Exam

The Exam will have the duration of 4 minutes. You are only allowed to use calculators in rainbow colors.


Part I

a) If a mass object tosses a coin 6 times and gets 6 heads. What is the probability of a career change for the mass object ? (note: keep your diagram simple)



b) And would you say the coin is jinxed? (yes/no)


Part II

a) If a mass object, is dropped into the surface of the earth at the speed of 50 m/s. Approx. how much force is needed to make people to believe in zero gravity?







Tips: The mass object has difficulty to commit to a diet.




Part III (Bonus)

a) Toss a coin 3 times and find out what is the probability of you passing the mid term. (note: tossing more than 3 times will lose marks)












Good Luck!

When Your Boss Decided To Nag On Your Blog

You said there was no broom in the office. I saw four in the pantry. I worked hard trying to bring you to the top of the food chain. But no. You have to lie about the broom. You did't even bother to reword the word broom. In fact, you could have called'em the hairy things and I would have been less disgusted.

Remember when I called you into my room? I was actually planning to wash my car. But no. I gave up washing my car because I had to talk to you. And what did I tell you? I said I was going to be very frank didn't I? I said I have the feeling right from the beginning that you are not going to make it. And God am I not right? You don't even pretend to work when I am around. And I said if I could I do it all over, I would have done a better background check on you before you are hired. And what did I say after that? Huh? No! Before I told you about my work anxiety.

Oh did I tell you about my weird dream? The one when I took out the trash and wash my car? And after I washed my car and I took out the trash again. I find it very frustrating when my own people do not dream like the way I do.

Did I also not tell you that I may have to asked you to leave? As you can see I get a lot of pleasure making you scared. But you seemed happy. My bad. I should have jumped at you when you walked in to my room.

Long story short, every mistake you make is another good reason to fire you.

What did I say? That is to help you. To be on your toes. Which I don't know exactly how. But I am glad I could end this conversation with a note of optimism. Somehow.

Lonely Planet

If you look really hard into The Planet, you will see The Narrator. Unfortunately, you can not. Unless you managed to zoom in 500%. Which is impossible. Why? The Planet is only a low res file. But what's the texture of the planet like? Like the cat's tongue. Does it hurt to live on the planet? Yes. Doesn't it make The Narrator temperamental? Yes, but it is also part of the creative process. Does it have anything to do with faith? No. Money? Yes. Will bright colors T shirt change his mood? No. Flowers? No. Puppies? No. Popcorns? Maybe. Will The Planet ever explodes? Yes, when it collides with the giant rainbow. Will it still feel like the cat's tongue? No, the whole planet becomes a Velcro. Can The Narrator ever run away from The Planet? Only if he is strong enough to wrestle the Velcro. Can he hear you? Not if you super poke him. Will anyone ever make this story into a movie? No, but if there's ever gonna be one, The Narrator will only be on set no earlier than 9am. Oily breakfast? Not a chance.

You Are The Only One Who Will Get To Walk Away With A Comment

Hello gentle people. Remember you are here for you. Not for me, not for anyone. Not for The Narrator, who is a moron.

You are here and here alone because you have issues. I know this is difficult. Which is to admit that you have issues. But I congratulate you for doing so.

You are sitting here thinking? What is this fool trying to tell me? Is this a hidden message? Am I fat?

Well, if you are not done with all these bullshitting here, you are more than welcome to contribute to this website, which is also drowning inside the internet. What can you do?

I have decided to let one person to write me comment. Only one. And that's YOU !!

Please do not upload naked pictures with your comment. Unless they are Horses. Or German Potatoes.

The Sunshine Boys vs The Prisoner of 136 Avenue

There is the sun. And below the sun, there live the Sunshine Boys. The Sunshine Boys are lighthearted people. They laugh and poke each other. Sometimes they Super Poke each other, and that makes them fun to be with. You can tell from far that they are unoffensive to people.

But like almost every story, there is the Antagonist: The Prisoner of 136 Avenue. He doesn't like to be Super poked. He doesn't want to have fun. He doesn't want the Sunshine Boys around.

Although The Narrator will like to give you a happy ending. But I am afraid the nature of the story itself is too political to have a happy one.

A Heartbreaking Resignation Letter

Dear ____________,

I didn't get your name. Was it Peter or Olivia. Nevermind. My last day with the Company will be today. I have been waiting for 500 years to tell you this. And tomorrow I can just do things I really want to do. Like watching the rainbow explodes and then go eat thirty two donuts. Shit, that means you would have to stay in the office and put the cameras to sleep.

But thank you to give me enough grouchiness and fire in the belly to carry on with my life. I guess this is what you called the Characther Building.

I will see you if you ever drop by the Rainblow Land. I will get you a good seat. But you have to promise to be less perfect. At least 50 percent. It will be hillarious.

Sincerely,

Dahlia - The Staff with Funny Hair

You Certainly Do Not Know What You Are Talking About

Apparently some of you have suggested The Boy Who Stopped Using His Brain Rots and Turns To A Zombie to attack. Although dumb things said are sometimes true, but not this time. The Narrator does not like to use this site to attack or combat the sleazy people out there. Instead, The Narrator will write this:

The Boy Who Stopped Using His Brain Rots and Turns To A Zombie will stay as calm as a rabbit.

Because rabbits are terrific animal. They have big ears and whiskers. Sometimes they jump and do nice landing. Sometimes they eat up baby rabbits. That's when they get cranky I guess.

The Boy Who Stopped Using His Brain Rots and Turns To A Zombie

There is this person who was told that he could go ahead and quit his job. The reason?

1) He is not good at keeping the camera room at certain temperature.
2) He is nobody's favorite person.

We should not know his name. Who? This person. Perhaps we should call him The Boy Who Stopped Using His Brain Rots And Turns To A Zombie. That is in fact what his boss calls him.

But The Boy Who Stopped Using His Brain Rots and Turns To A Zombie is not panic. He is always prepared for amazing things to happen. Perhaps there is a portal somewhere in the office that might just connect him to somewhere else in the perfect haha world.

I guess the boss can wait.

Cinderella Story

Hey kids, your cute narrator is back after a really long hide out. Nothing too exciting really.

Don't be fooled into believing that this is really going to be a Cinderella story. I am still at the you-know-where phase.

No Time For A Clever Title In A Time to Hide

You probably don't know this yet. But I have ran out of places to hide. Who am I hiding from? I know you are all looking foward to find out who he is. But seriously guys, there is just no clue this time round. Call me a pussy if you like, but it is just so not my style to reveal the bad guy at the very beginning of the story. And folks, no gifts even if you have guessed it right. So please don't do it.

Stop scrolling down to find out who has offended me in the last 6 months. Don't even think about that Back Stabber who back stabbed in the classic back stabbing posture. Don't you think it is way over the top for a back stabber to back stab me time and time again? Wouldn't you feel that I am over-back-stabbed?

I am seriously not saying this for the expectation that you might think I am actually hiding from this back stabber. Do I need to write in such a way to over indulge your silly brain?

Hell there better be no surprise meeting today with this monster that I am running away from. I am hiding in this really nice closet that has access to the internet. If he ever comes in to this really nice closet, I swear to God I'll lose it. Really. I swear. I know I double sweared. But really.

The Donut Ring (Part 2)

I have always pay more for things that I buy. Like the Bluebird watch I had. Which was stolen. And the shoes I am wearing. I buy them out of embarrassment. My whole life is an embarrassment.

The taxi driver helps me to put the yellow case in the trunk. Then we get into the taxi, which really isn't a taxi. It is a sport car in purple color.

"Is this your car?" I clear my throat.

"Ya" says the taxi driver. "Ya,ya" he repeats. He puts the gear into the drive position and steps on the gas. And while he is doing that, he also winks at one of the trolley guys. Like they have some kind of deal. Or maybe even a bet. To bet he could take someone who is willing to pay 70 dollars perhaps. I don't know.

"I work here at the airport" grins the taxi driver. "I take care of the trolleys"

I look at him and suddenly remember what the wink was all about.

"I work for the night shift" he says. "So this is like a part time"

I nod and keep quiet. What do I know anymore? Just bring me safe to the where I am going.

"Where are you from?" he looks over at me. And I quickly raise my eyes on the road. Because he isn't.

"Dumbville" I say and keep my eyes on the traffic.

"Oh Dumbville!" he says. "But you don't sound like you are from Dumville?"

I slow down my thoughts as he is over taking the car in front. "Uhm, I am actually born here."

"Lady driver" he looks over at the car he is over taking. He starts to say something but changes his mind.

He gives his head a little shake. "What do you do?"

I wish I could figure this out. I don't know really. But "Advertising" I say.

"Ah, advertising" he nods. "What are you doing here?"

"I am returning this thing at the back" with my thumb pointing at the trunk.

"What is it?" he looks over at me as if it is my fault not to tell him what it is. I don't know. Or maybe I am just too sensitive after what happened this morning.

Anyway, "Donut Ring" I say. What else could I say? It has to be a Donut Ring.

The Donut Ring (Part 1)

I have some business to take care of up north. Or rather, I have someone else's business to take care of up north. So I took a plane up here. By the time I get out from the arrival hall, there are 17 taxi drivers waving at me. Probably because I am carrying this really yellow yellow case. God. Where is a subtle case when you need one?

"Town? Town?" say the drivers. "60 dollars!"

I put my ears in my pocket and walk away. After several tries to catch up with me, they give up and turn to someone else. "Town? Town? 60 dollars!"

I get out of the airport and light a cigarette. I blow smoke and remember how horrible this morning was. Something about, god, about the donut ring. What is it about the donut ring? God. Where is a normal thing to think about when you need one?

"Hello?" here comes a proffesor. Although he is not. He is a taxi driver. But he dresses well. Just like how I would like to dress when I am his age. You know, the older kind of age.

I say hello and put out my cigarette.

"Where are you going? says the professor, no, the taxi driver.

I put my hands in my pocket. I do that when I feel awkward. "This place called RSVP."
"Do you know where it is?" I continue.

"Ya" he says. And then he repeats again. "Ya, ya"

"60 dollars?" I look at the taxi driver and how well he had ironed his shirt.

"70 dollars" he looks at my yellow case. God. Where is a subtle case when you need one?

But I nod and say okay. I'll pay him 10 dollars for the well ironed shirt.

He Almost Thought He Had Forgotten, But It Came Back to Him

Saturday morning, he walked in his room. He had a plan to tidy up his room. But he was merely walking. After walking around his room for the longest time in his life, he decided to look at old photographs.

Some of the photographs make him feel uncomfortable. And he didn't like that. But he tried to deal with it in a rational manner. Unfortunately, he could not.

He went to the living room and tuned in to some western music. He threw himself on the couch. His eyes were closed. But he could still see the photographs in his head. He looked pale, perhaps. We don't know.

Until then, his life has been okay. College, job, marriage and good lucks. And he knew that too. He knew how these photographs can bring a man down. He does not want that.

To keep himself away from any harm, he reached out to his pants. And we all know in a couple of minutes, his life will be no longer in jeopardy.